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Hadn't I just told her?
Why can’t she see? I don’t have a choice.
On the first day of school Mildred told us that attendance was important. She said that a reason to be absent was different that an excuse. "A reason is something you don't have control over. Excuses you do."
On the first day of school, I had a list of reasons I'd have to quit.
When they see I'm not smart enough to get a GED.
Before they figure out there's something wrong with me.
When our trailer gets set up again.
Before I push their daddy too far.
So many mornings I got on the bus with my kids thinking that day would be my last. I wanted to go back to what I knew. I'd reached my limit. Not only that, I was asking for trouble. Their daddy had made it clear. I had to quit.
I dealt in emergencies. Mostly trying to avoid them. I was good at it and I knew I was pushing my luck. I felt it in my bones. I was running out of time.
How it irritated me when Mildred didn't seem to understand. I wanted her to agree with me. I needed her to agree with me.
"May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears." - Nelson Mandela
So while I was focused on more important things, like when to quit, RL was busy learning, making plans, and following through.
It would be awhile before I did the same.